Monday, March 30, 2015

25 Things You'll Never Hear a Southern, Church Going Woman Say

1. No, I don't go to Sunday School. 

Oh, yes I do.

2. Oh, sorry, you can't sit in this pew.
I'll move just so you can have it.

3. I only donate if I can get a tax credit. 
I donate before I sell.

4. I choose to work on Sundays.  
It makes me miserable to have to work on Sunday.

5. I don't have time to pray. 
MAKE time!

6. No, I never cook on Sundays. 
Sunday dinners are the best.

7. I don't have time to make a casserole for the potluck.  
Which recipe should I use? Can I make three?

8. I really don't want to go to the tea. 
I'd like to help plan it! I love tea!

9. Sure honey, we can skip church and go fishing. 
NO. Just no. 

10. I'm really tired of being nice all the time, it's exhausting. 
Kill 'em with kindness!

11. I'm not a hugger. 
Oh yes I am, get over here!

12. They're not the type of people we want in our church. 
Hey, you should come to church with me!

13. What's the big deal about having a greeter?
It feels weird when the greeter isn't here.

14. This church is too welcoming. 
Did I hug enough people today?

15. I never get anything out of the sermon.
I feel like the sermons are for me!

16. No, I don't have any prayer requests. 
People always need Jesus.

17. My family is perfect, we don't need any spiritual growth.
Please pray for my family. 

18. I'm better than you.
I don't deserve His grace. 

19. Am I showing enough cleavage?
WOAH! Cover them bad boys up!

20. That song "How Great Thou Art" is so annoying!
I LOVE that song! 

21. Oh, I don't need another Nativity scene.
This is precious, I'm buying it!

22. What's so important about Easter?
Easter? Right out there with Christmas in my book!

23. No, my kids don't need another Easter outfit.
Isn't this precious?!

24. I don't care that she's four years old, lace-ruffle socks are tacky.
Oh my stars, how sweet!

25. I have my real family, I don't need a church family. 
My church family is my real family.